Here are three expert tips for how to respond to school avoidance.
Step 1: Try to Understand Why Your Child Doesn’t Want to Go to School
As with most parenting challenges, it helps to approach your child with empathy, and attempt to understand their viewpoint.
Depending on your child’s age, they may be able to express their reluctance to go to school verbally. In other cases, you might have to play the detective. When your child is calm, you might try asking questions like:
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What’s the best part of the school day?
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If you could change one aspect of your school, what would it be?
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What are your friends at school like?
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When you’re worried about school, what does your body feel like? What emotions are you experiencing?
Think about changes at home that could be impacting their approach to school, like a move, recent loss, parental separation, or any other big changes.
Take what they say seriously and do your best to understand.
Step 2: Collaborate with your child’s school.
In many cases, your child’s school and teacher(s) can be a valuable resource both for understanding why your child doesn’t want to go to school, and for supporting them in attending.
While you’re trying to identify the reasons, it can be helpful to speak with teachers and school leaders. They may have noticed specific challenges, be aware of bullying, or even have heard from your child directly. You may want to ask if they’ve noticed any anxious behaviors, frequent stomach aches, lots of nurse visits, etc. Some schools will even allow you to observe your child in the classroom.
Once you know the reasons why your child is avoiding school, it’s helpful to share that with the school, too. Often, they can help watch for bullying, provide resources for learning disabilities, and connect your family with more support.
Step 3: Problem-solve with your child.
It’s important to show your child that you support them by problem-solving with them. Simply letting them know you’re going to figure it out together can make a world of difference.
Your plan for addressing school avoidance will depend on why your child doesn’t want to go to school. For example, if they’re having a lot of fun at home, you might try limiting screen time during school hours. On the other hand, children living with anxiety that results in school avoidance might benefit from therapy and exercises.
Working through these problems together, and empowering your child to go back to school with more calm, can help them build confidence and practice resilience.
As you follow through on your plan, do your best to express your understanding and be encouraging, without being stressed, upset, or frustrated with them.