This month my husband and I will celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary! 1994 was a LONG time ago. We didn’t have cell phones, laptop computers, Facebook or Amazon; sometimes I wonder how we survived! I met my husband while working at a movie theater. I sold the tickets; he ripped the tickets; it was destiny! LOL!
I’d be lying if I told you 30 years of marriage has been easy. We are two very different people with contrasting personalities and love languages. We had different childhoods and learned different things about the world. So how did we do it? How are we still happily married after all these years? Here’s a few secrets of our success.
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Love: An unconditional love you give, not because you feel like it or the other person is being lovable, but because you made a vow, “To love and to cherish.”
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Laughter: Laugh often – when somethings funny and maybe even when it’s not.
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God at the center: This is the key; marriage is like a triangle, with God at the top and each spouse at the opposite bases. If both spouses keep growing closer to God, they will also be growing closer to each other.
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Honest and open communication: Every relationship – especially a marriage – is built on the trust that comes from consistent honest and open communication.
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Date Nights: We have done a date almost every week of our 30 years. Depending on the age of our kids, and the amount of money we’ve had available, our dates have looked different, but they have always given us a chance to talk and laugh and remember what we love about each other.
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Unconditional grace and forgiveness: Your spouse is not going to be perfect and – surprise – neither are you. The only way you’re going to make it is by showing each other unconditional grace and giving lots of forgiveness.
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Kindness: We aren’t kind because the other person deserves our kindness – sometimes they may not. We are kind because God has treated us with kindness even when we deserve the opposite.
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Commitment to not divorcing: You might think we’ve had a perfect marriage – of course not. Marriage is difficult for everyone. Of our 30 years, we’ve had three years that were particularly hard. Did we have moments when we wished we could get divorced? Maybe, but that’s not an option for us. And we’re so glad, because our marriage has been amazing after those bad times.
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Community of support: Looking back over our 30 years, I am so thankful for the friends we’ve had who have supported and prayed for us. By the way, if you don’t have but need friends like that, you can find some where we have – in church small groups.
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Therapy when needed: I mentioned we’ve had a few bad seasons in our marriage. When we did, we … went to marriage counseling. It was incredibly helpful to be able to talk our issues out with a neutral person who was trained to help us.
If you need help with your marriage – just like we have at times – we have a team of amazing therapists at the Renewing Life Center who would love to help you. You can set up an appointment by calling 702-434-7290.
Jennifer Antonucci, M.A., LMFT, LCADC